Ep. 46: Claudia Omland – How to Harness Your Sexual Energy to Speed up Healing

Just like your physical or emotional body, your relationship can also suffer as a result of injury.

We like to zoom in on so many things, right? When there’s an injury, doctors zoom in and focus just on that one specific part that is injured and most people play along. When a person is experiencing anxiety after an accident, they zoom in and convince themselves that their anxiety is only a result of their accident. When there’s pain, they zoom in on the injury as well.

But this life is a complex thing and understanding the big picture is important.

And in the same way, we cannot only zoom in and focus on that one specific injured body part, ignoring the whole person, we cannot zoom in and focus just on the individual in this situation because their loved ones are involved as well, and the relationships can suffer, too. It’s actually very common, and it has a lot to do with our levels of openness, intimacy, and how connected we are with ourselves – and our sexual energy.

In this no-subject-barred talk with Claudia Omland, who is a love and sex coach helping women create their dream relationships, we explore how sexual energy can feed into most of the things we do, including healing. (Please note that this one is definitely for mature audiences only.)

In this episode, you’ll discover:

  • What does sexual energy have to do with healing from physical injuries.
  • How closing yourself can slow down your healing and how to change this.
  • How you can tap into your sexual energy and use it for healing.
  • Why is working on receiving (help, for example) and being open so important for incredible healing.

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Show notes & links

The show notes are written in chronological order.

  • Claudia Omland’s websites:

00:00 – excerpt from the episode
00:58 – intro (listen to discover a little more about your host. Martin will tell you a new lesser-known fact about Dr. Maya)

01:36
Dr. Maya Novak:
We like to zoom in on so many things, right? When there’s an injury, doctors zoom in and focus just on that one specific part that is injured and most people play along. When a person is experiencing anxiety after an accident, they zoom in and convince themselves that their anxiety is only a result of their accident. When there’s pain, they zoom in on the injury as well. But this life is a complex thing and understanding the big picture is important. And in the same way we cannot only zoom in and focus on that one specific injured body part, ignoring the whole person, we cannot zoom in and focus just on the individual in this situation because their loved ones are involved as well, and the relationships can suffer, too. It’s actually very common, and it has a lot to do with our levels of openness, intimacy, and how connected we are with ourselves – and our sexual energy.
I met Claudia Omland in 2018 and she was one of the guests on my Mindful Injury Recovery World Summit a year later where this interview is from. We had a no-subject-barred talk and because I think it’s also very important that we openly discuss these topics as well, I’m sharing it here and now on my podcast. Please enjoy.

03:02
Dr. Maya Novak:
In this interview, I’m joined by Claudia Omland who is a love and sex coach. She helps women create their dream relationship by tapping into their full feminine intimacy potential. In her own words, even though this may sound like it’s all about sex; sex is just one tool that she has in her intimacy superpower arsenal. Her clients hire her for becoming the love queens they truly are inside. Claudia, thank you so much for being here.

03:32
Claudia Omland:
Thank you so much for having me, Maya. I’m super excited for this interview today.

03:36
Dr. Maya Novak:
I’m super excited as well because it’s a different kind of topic. Many people might be wondering right now, what do sex, love, and intimacy have to do with healing? But before we go into that, can you introduce yourself, who you are? When you became interested in that, and how you did you become a love and sex coach?

04:02
Claudia Omland:
Sure. So I always had a very strong sexual energy, I knew that, just as a fact before I go into my story. In my, what I call my before life - before I became a love and sex coach, I am a trained nutritionist. So I had a 30-minute women’s fitness company, which was a franchise concept and I struggled for two years to get that off the ground. So June 30, 2012, a day I will never forget, is when I woke up completely deaf in my left ear. I just knew that there was no other reason for it, than my body telling me hey, you had better listen to what I have to say. So I think most people go through it like that. I had been exhausted for a while. I knew I was working too much, but I had four employees and you just don’t shut the door and go on vacation in such a situation. So I had to kind of find a way in taking care of my body, and my health kept going worse, and run the company somehow. So I went on, tried to figure things out, and things got worse. Like my body freaked completely out – heavy back pain. Basically pain in the entire muscle system up to a point where I couldn’t even walk for 10 minutes without heavy pain, headaches, migraines, depression, and all of that stuff. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I lost my orgasm. Somehow, I understood that this was the epitome of how much I had gotten out of touch with myself. So I understood that there was a deeper meaning or a deeper message in all those health struggles, and it was that. I didn’t know who I was, and especially not who I was as a woman, and I didn’t love the feminine sensual side in myself. That’s when I started to turn inside to listen for answers, because, you know, I was deaf – which I think is an interesting analogy of nothing from the outside coming through, and you have to listen to what’s going on inside. Everybody who has done that before, I guess you know that the first time you do that, it sucks. It’s just so hard to listen inside and all the stuff that comes up is really, really hard. So anyway, somehow that journey got me into a two-year personal growth training, a group training with a tantric background. In which we explored a lot of how your body gives you feedback on a physical level, on unresolved emotional issues, and stuck sexual energy. What I experienced there was really mind-blowing to me. So oftentimes, we worked a lot with the body, not so much with the mind. There were many, many structures where my doctor probably would have said please don’t do that, it’s not healthy for your neck and for your back, and I went into a structure with a lot of pain and I walked out and the pain was completely gone. Like within an hour or two of doing things that probably everybody would have advised against it. That got me thinking of what is the root cause. Is it like – is it really my injury, or my body that’s causing me pain or is that just a signal of something deeper. Yeah, all those experiences made me question that and I learned how to harness the potency of sexual energy as a way to connect with my core and heal myself.

07:44
Dr. Maya Novak:
And that’s the reason why I invited you to be on this Summit because your story is just amazing and what you said, you were deaf, is exactly that. You cannot hear anything else. It’s really going on inside of you. I fractured my ankle and many clients of mine; they have injured ankles or knees, lower leg problems because they probably found me through my story. But it’s the same – when you fracture something like that, you have to sit down, and you have to take time to listen.

08:18
Claudia Omland:
Yes.

08:18
Dr. Maya Novak:
So it’s very similar. Can we explore this? At the beginning I said that it’s not just about sex, but can we explore what does sexual energy have in common with healing, and why is it so important?

08:38
Claudia Omland:
So two things for me here. The first thing is that sex, and this is something every human being on the planet understands, sex is the most intimate place we can be as a human being if we open up. You can make up a lot of things, but as an example, as a woman, you know if you orgasm or not. You know if it hurts or not. You cannot cover it up. It’s just – and it makes you feel bad. There’s just no way to make it more beautiful than it is. So that’s thing number one. I think it’s the most intimate place for us to be in. The other thing is that I believe, and this is a tantric point of view, is that sexual energy is the strongest energy in us human beings. It has the power to create babies. It gives life. So, to me, it’s the most creative energy source in us human beings. So if we harness it, we can create everything from it we want and, of course, also healing.

09:33
Dr. Maya Novak:
That is very, very powerful. I absolutely hear what you are saying, but if I’m thinking back to my past and to my abuse – sexual abuse when I was a little girl, when I fractured my ankle, this wasn’t for me. It was also the reason why, I think, that I needed this injury was to sit down and deal with everything from my past. What I wanted to say here is that when you are injured, you are in a really stressful situation, so usually, people don’t think about sex.

10:12
Claudia Omland:
Of course not.

10:14
Dr. Maya Novak:
And usually, the body closes. It’s a stressful situation. So how can we then use this sexual energy, even though we are in this situation when our bodies are, more or less, closed?

10:31
Claudia Omland:
The body is closed because we allow it to. We have to open up to understand the deeper meaning and to get to the things we need to learn, as you believe that your fractured ankle was a way for you to face that abuse you experienced in your past. But if you don’t open up, those things can’t come up, right. So we have to open up, and sex is a way of opening up a lot and very, very deep. So I think there is no contradiction here.

11:05
Dr. Maya Novak:
So when we are talking about sex and sexual energy in general, is this - now we talk only about sex – but is it just about sex? Or is it about something else as well?

11:18
Claudia Omland:
The term sexual energy, although it is correct in this context, I think it’s misleading to most people because when we hear sex we think about intercourse, or two people having sex. I like the expression sensual energy much more because it implies that it’s a lot about using all your senses to experience life, yourself, whatever. It’s all about feeling – feeling what is going on. This is it exactly. It’s so beautiful because it’s exactly what we avoid when we close down - when we shut off. We avoid feeling, but we have to feel in order to allow to come up what needs to come up. So when we say sexual energy, I don’t – I wouldn’t use the term – but let’s use sensual energy or ecstatic energy, which is a life force. Ecstatic in the way of being joyous, being vibrant, feeling alive - so life energy. To me, it’s interchangeable. Sexual energy is life energy. It’s being alive.

12:21
Dr. Maya Novak:
Yes, true. So what, for example, is the first things that you suggest to your clients? What I mentioned just before - I know that many women and men can connect with being in such a vulnerable state when you are injured – but also in a stressful situation, and closing down. You said that it is important that we open ourselves up, so how do we do that? Maybe something that we can do, the first steps, so that we actually feel more secure, feel safer and open up?

12:56
Claudia Omland:
I think opening up, first and foremost, is a decision. You have to trust yourself that everything that comes up you can handle. I think there is no way around that. Of course, you can do that with me, for example, in a setting where I guide you through, but you can do it by yourself too. A way to open up is to do something that makes you feel, which can be as simple as touching yourself with your hand, nothing dirty. Just touching your entire body and feel, feel that hand on your body. When you start to feel something, you will start to feel other things as well. Either we feel, or we don’t. We cannot choose oh, I only want to feel happy and I don’t want to feel sad or bad or angry or injured or hurt. If I feel happy – if I touch one emotion, I touch all other emotions as well. So it’s a simple as starting to feel something, and then try to stay there. So touching is a very good tool, and with it, breathing is one of the main tools I use in my teachings because breathing keeps you conscious in the moment. It keeps you open if you breathe deeply and long - there is a certain technique we can touch on later if you like. So you cannot breathe long and close up, it’s just impossible. When you breathe deeply, you have to open up because your body relaxes. So those two things are a very easy way to start to feel something.

14:36
Dr. Maya Novak:
It’s true, everything comes back to a decision. So a decision to do something, or a decision to do something differently, and since you as a viewer, you are here at this Summit, you’ve made the decision to be here. So everything comes back and then a lot of things, also my experience and I’ve known you for a while now; many, many things can happen in like an instant when we decide to do something differently, right.

15:06
Claudia Omland:
Yep, and be okay with all the consequences. Trust that they are okay.

15:12
Dr. Maya Novak:
When we talk about consequences, usually we go directly to negative consequences – but there are both positive and negative.

15:18
Claudia Omland:
Yeah, trust the process.

15:19
Dr. Maya Novak:
Yeah.

15:19
Claudia Omland:
So with emotions and healing, the thing is that you have to go deep and down and into the pain in order to get over it and heal it. There is no way around it.

15:33
Dr. Maya Novak:
So let’s talk about intimacy in general. Why is intimacy so important during injury recovery?

15:40
Claudia Omland:
Yeah. So as we said before, I think we both believe that in every injury, even a physical injury, there is a deeper meaning and there is a reason why it happened to us. It is an opportunity for us to look at something we might have been neglecting in our life for a while - something - a part of us that needs to be integrated. The way we integrate those parts is by creating more intimacy with ourselves. So if we create more intimacy, we go deeper inside our self, we see the blocks and the issues. Then we can heal them and that helps us recover much faster, or even at all. I think many, many things stick until we see what they are really about and heal those issues, like emotional and soul level stuff.

16:29
Dr. Maya Novak:
So when you talk about intimacy, it’s not just intimacy with a partner, it’s also intimacy with yourself.

16:34
Claudia Omland:
Intimacy with yourself, or with my self is prerequisite for intimacy with your partner. You cannot be more intimate with your partner than you can be with yourself. Maybe we need to clarify the meaning of the word here because intimacy most often is viewed as being physically close, being naked together, but intimacy is so much more. Intimacy happens on an emotional level. It happens in the way where I make myself vulnerable and show up for who I really am, with all my frogs and toads inside, with all the parts that might not be super nice and super adequate and super lovable, but they belong to me and I allow my partner to see exactly that. So I create intimacy from being who I am and being okay with that. Which, of course, we all know it’s much easier said than done.

17:22
Dr. Maya Novak:
Oh yes. The theory is sometimes awesome, but then practice is something completely different.

17:31
Claudia Omland:
So it’s so easy for us to talk about, right.

17:35
Dr. Maya Novak:
Absolutely. I know that healing my trauma from childhood is probably going to be a lifelong thing. I’m going to be peeling the thing all the time.

17:48
Claudia Omland:
Oh yeah.

17:49
Dr. Maya Novak:
There’s a part of me that absolutely can connect with you, but there is still a small part of me that’s like yeah, theory. Yeah, I get it. Practice, not so much.

18:00
Claudia Omland:
Okay, shall we go into that now?

18:02
Dr. Maya Novak:
Please.

18:03
Claudia Omland:
Okay. So when we talk using sexual energy, I think we all know, especially – I know that most women are – most listeners are women, although we might have men and it’s the same for them too, but I am a woman, so that’s why I work with women. I can never feel how it feels for a man, and how masculine sexuality feels, right. I simply don’t have a penis to say. So we women all know that most of us struggle with being okay with our sexuality. We have trouble orgasming. Most of us only know clitoral orgasms, and most women have no idea – they know that vaginal orgasms exist, but they have no idea how to get there. So we all know that we are neglecting a part of ourselves. We all know that there is more. That there is a wasteland where we have no idea how to make plants grow, all right. It’s like this huge desert and we know there is potential to grow an oasis, but we have just no idea, no clue how to do that. And now I lost track … So yeah, we were talking about how to do that. So if we want to get intimate with ourselves and sex being the most intimate place for us to be, tapping into our gender-specific sexuality is a huge part of it. For us women, it means unlocking the deep potential, the deeper orgasms of our vagina. So how do I do that? Many women will say, wait, wait, I have no idea where all the parts are. I say we’re talking g-spot and cervix – and where? How? So I know, I have been there myself. I had no idea how to – where those parts are and how to even unlock them. But it’s possible for everybody because we are all equipped in the same way. So you have all the parts, trust me. A way to use that is to learn to expand your orgasmic potential. So usually how we have an orgasm, if we have one at all, is that we have a clitoral orgasm arousal peaks and then we come and then it just drops and the energy is gone. In a tantric point of view and a more deeper orgasm point of view, an orgasm is more like a state of being. So it’s more like waves you ride on and they just never stop. I know it sounds not so attainable for most of us, but it’s possible. The idea is to learn to hold more sexual energy and more arousal in your body in order to stay on that wave, and this is just a way of practice. So I think we cannot go into all the details, but the way would be to explore the inside of your vagina with your fingers, which most women I know don’t do. I’ve been holding training with women on that in Germany, and I know that most women never touch their vagina on the inside, and somehow expect men to know where all the points are. So explore that. I can help with that if anybody wants to go deeper into where are all my points, and how can I reach them – and it’s just a matter of practice. Go there, caress yourself, allow all the taboos to come up. I think this is the biggest point, that we don’t do it because oh, it feels dirty, we feel ashamed. We are afraid of being seen as a slut or a whore if we open up sexually. You have to allow yourself to face your inner limitations in order to find out what you really like and love, and how you perceive pleasure and how you want to receive pleasure as an individual being. It’s highly individual. There is no – often women ask me is it okay that if feel that, or that I have that fantasy? And, of course, it is. It’s you. There is no standard for how you have to be a sexual being – given that you don’t hurt other people – so we’re not talking about that. So the way to go there is to pleasure yourself. Touch yourself, your entire body. Explore your deeper orgasms and learn to create arousal and connect with those parts of yourself. You will have a lot of blocks come up. Everybody – I had them too.

22:38
Dr. Maya Novak:
Mm-mm, and then the healing starts …

22:41
Claudia Omland:
The healing starts.

22:42
Dr. Maya Novak:
… when we invite those things onto the surface.

22:45
Claudia Omland:
Yeah, can I share a story on that maybe to make the point clearer?

22:50
Dr. Maya Novak:
Please.

22:50
Claudia Omland:
So this is not applicable to injury, but when I went onto that journey I figured that there was a huge sexual drive in me and from my upbringing, my mom was neglecting women being overly sensual or sexual. So I took it as far that I worked as an escort girl for several months to explore how it is to be paid for sex. I know this is a huge taboo, and it was not because I needed the money, I just wanted to expand my comfort zone and really experience what is it really like if I do that. What I found is that it made me actually feel very good. I was treated with respect. I didn’t feel seen as a slut or dirty, or something else. Actually, I was doing something really, really good for men, for the men that booked me. So do things that are taboo to you to explore, in your range of what you can do. Explore, if it’s okay because you never know if the limitations you have are imposed on you from the outside, from society, from your mom, from your family, from church, or whatever. Or if it really is something that you have for yourself, or if you don’t. I learned that, for me, it’s okay to be paid for sex. Full stop and there is nothing wrong with it.

24:12
Dr. Maya Novak:
Wow. It is about exploring and pushing the boundaries, or maybe better to say putting yourself out of the comfort zone because the magic happens out of the comfort zone. Even though some people might not go as far as exploring being an escort. But out of the comfort zone, it can be what you just talked about before – going with your fingers into your vagina. Maybe this is out of the comfort zone.

24:41
Claudia Omland:
Yeah. It is for a majority of women, I know.

24:45
Dr. Maya Novak:
Yes. So the big question here is how sexual, how sensual energy can accelerate healing?

24:56
Claudia Omland:
Yeah. So we talked about that, it can in two ways. We use that, as we talked just now, we use that sensual or sexual to create more intimacy with ourselves, to go deeper in ourselves and accept all the parts of ourselves. By doing that we heal the blocks and we heal whatever needs to be healed that the injury might make us look at. There is actually a very physical way of using sex for healing, and that is that sex balances stress hormones. It’s something that many, many people don’t know exactly how it works, so I think it’s really interesting. Usually what you have when you are stressed is a high level of cortisol and the sex, especially built up to deep vaginal orgasm – it is really important to differentiate because you will – sometimes I have to search for English words – so clitoral orgasms don’t do the job. So you have to go on a high level of arousal deep into your vagina to unlock the hormones and in-depth build up. We have dopamine release – which is a happy hormone, isn’t it?

26:12
Dr. Maya Novak:
Yes.

26:12
Claudia Omland:
We have oxytocin, which makes you feel close and intimate, and we also have prolactin which kind of makes you very relaxed afterward. So all those hormones balance out cortisol and they kind of reset your autonomous nervous system. On a very physical level, sex, and especially deep orgasms, they contribute to fighting stress a lot.

26:38
Dr. Maya Novak:
So it is – and then there is this cycle. So we are in a stressful situation, we close up, then we have to make a decision to open up because this is going to actually help with stress and in that way with our healing because we cannot sit on two seats at the same time – being in complete stress and also healing in a great way.

27:00
Claudia Omland:
No. No, either you open up or you contract, there’s nothing in between.

27:05
Dr. Maya Novak:
Is it the same for men?

27:07
Claudia Omland:
Yes, it is. It is actually. Physically, it works a little bit different, right. It still is. Also, as a man, you can use conscious breathing and touching yourself as a way to get in touch with your emotions. And, as we said, allow whatever has to come up to surface. Also just to use those emotions to – or this way – to give yourself that message of I love myself with your hands. It’s very powerful. Like one of the most powerful tools that I experience, and I use it regularly, is give yourself with your hands the message of how much you love yourself and your body.

27:46
Dr. Maya Novak:
I would love to explore this a bit more and let me explain why. Because many times – I’m talking for women here because I work mostly with women – giving and receiving is a really hard thing for many, many women. When they are injured, and especially if we’re talking about serious injuries, they all of a sudden feel like a burden to their family, to their partners, to whoever, to their friends, and it’s very hard for them to accept help or to ask for help. And this also applies to giving and receiving in regards to feeling pleasure. So what is your advice? How can we go beyond this so that we don’t feel like a burden and that we open up to receiving?

28:34
Claudia Omland:
Mm. I love so much that you bring up that topic. There is such a huge opportunity in there.

28:43
Dr. Maya Novak:
We'll continue in just a moment. I wanted to quickly jump in for two things. First, thank you for tuning in. And second, I’m sure you have at least one friend, colleague, or family member who would very much appreciate this episode. So share it with them and help us spread the word. Now let’s continue…

29:04
Claudia Omland:
So you said that many women feel like a burden when they are injured. I believe that it just brings it to the surface, because I know from my work, a lot with women and relationships or un-relationship, and I know that most of us women – and I’m guilty of that too – we feel like a burden all the time. We feel that we have to do a lot for others, but we don’t receive back and it makes us feel very resentful. It’s not a helpful emotion to have. So the opportunity in being injured is that you have to receive help. You just simply need that. You need help most often, right. We talked about that before, that when you had your ankle broken you needed help from your husband. So, when – I’ll go a step back – so most often, we women kind of, we do for others and we don’t receive. What it does, it kind of turns the whole feminine-masculine balance upside down because doing and not receiving is masculine energy. Many of the women listening will say well, but that’s so far away from what I learned. We all are brought up to be a nice girl, put others first, care for others, you know, be more like a mother, and mother energy kills romance and attraction big time. So we can not only be doing ourselves a big favor, but also our men when we learn out to receive with grace, and how to feel worthy of receiving and how to feel just great receiving, because men love to give to us. Men love to make us happy. There might be a lot of women out there listening that are in relationships - long-term relationships – where they say but my man doesn’t want to give, he doesn’t even listen to me and he neglects my needs, and like he’s like all grumpy and he just doesn’t like that. I would say there is a big chance that you have conditioned him to do so. That you have kind of taught him that you are the giver and he is the receiver and he doesn’t even know how to give to you anymore. So the trick here is to learn how to receive and how to ask for help, and then be happy with it. Because oftentimes we ask for help, but then we kind of send that signal that we feel really bad receiving from someone. Now, I think we all know that in a classical situation, you are with your girlfriends out, or with one of your girlfriends out for dinner and you say today, I invite you. What is the first thing you hear? Ah no, I can’t take that. Come on. How does it make you feel? Isn’t it much better if the other says wow, how great, I’d love you to invite me. It’s the same dynamic. So well, it’s not so much fun for your man to give to you if you are unhappy receiving. So learn to be happy with receiving. Allow yourself that you are worthy of receiving and you don’t have to give back. Receiving is not 50/50. Trust that the other person wants to give because they want to give and not because it’s required to. There’s a subtle difference, but it makes a huge difference on the dynamic.

32:30
Dr. Maya Novak:
But what would you then say – you know – I know exactly what you’re talking about. But what would you then say if we’re talking here about a woman - how can a woman that a) feels like a burden or that she cannot do something, how can – what kind of steps can she start doing if, on the other hand, she has a partner who feels like she’s not doing anything anymore right now. So it’s not like a giving act, but basically they are each on their own side, and not in a great relationship because of this injury as well. How can we bridge this, or how can we come closer so that the woman can start being open to receiving? Do you know what I mean?

33:22
Claudia Omland:
Mm, yes, I know. That’s a great question. I love that. It might need – it might not work on the first attempt, but I know from experience that over time it does. It usually happens really quickly, like within days or two to three weeks. So the first thing is that – and there is a magical sentence you can say to a man as a woman – and that is I could really use your help a little bit. That’s not saying I need you to whatever, clean the kitchen, I need you to wash the dishes. It’s to say hey, I really could use your help a little bit. Then you say, I’d feel so grateful if you could help me with whatever. It would make me relieved, or it would take the stress away, or whatever you feel. But give him a positive feeling on how you feel with him helping you. This is an approach we never use. We’re not taught to use. We are taught to kind of be very straightforward, give commands, give directions, or complain, even worse – especially in relationships. We complain so much. This is totally different. Like saying hey, I’d feel really, really great if you could do that. It would help me so much. Do that and appreciate him for that in that way that I said. Tell him what a great man he is and how much you love that and appreciate every little step in the right direction. We throw out the baby with the bathwater. So if it’s not perfect on the first attempt, we say ah, it’s not working. Or, even worse, like he’s not washing the dishes exactly how we want it. So we make him wrong. Just let him wash the dishes the way he does it. It’s just about receiving help. So this is the way to do it and in that space, if you ask for help, you will feel resistance come up and you will feel negative emotions come up. Keep them to yourself and just explore what they are all about. It’s an inner thing. Like just simply feeling them and say ah, hey, okay, what is this all about? Where is this coming from? Why do I have that? Most often you will find that it’s a very old thing. It comes from your childhood, from your mom, from your dad, whatever. But has still to do with the relationship you are in now. So just work it out for yourself and learn how to feel comfortable by giving that feedback to your man and asking for help. Is that clear?

35:50
Dr. Maya Novak:
Absolutely, I love this. I absolutely love this and women feel, like I said, many times they feel like a burden to their partners, to family, so it’s a hard thing for them to receive help. So I see - what you explain here – I see this as a really great invitation to shift the feminine-masculine energy inside of us as women. But then on the other side, we have men and with men it’s usually that they don’t feel – I don’t know if it’s a really good explanation to say they don’t feel as manly because they are not giving. Usually it’s like, now I’m injured and I cannot take care of my family. So do you have any advice in regards to that?

36:41
Claudia Omland:
Mm. I think it’s – yeah – the biggest part for men, and I know that it’s to still feel masculine and feel capable of. So it’s good to ask for help though and to see that you are not less of a man just because right now you need help. And in case there’s women of those injured men listening, you can contribute a lot by not – by letting him do as much as he can, still giving him the feeling of being a man and not taking everything away. So it goes both ways. But as a man, yeah, trust that it doesn’t make you less of a man, that you need help right now, and it makes women feel good to help, actually. We love helping. We are total helpers. So though I advised against it before, of course, if my man is in a place where he needs my help, I help, of course. I would not say, honey, do it for yourself or ask him for help. Guys, you really can create a connection and draw your woman in by allowing her to give to you in that situation. In the same way, trust that you still will be a man, a masculine man when you’re out of that.

37:59
Dr. Maya Novak:
I love this. Thank you so much for sharing this. So how can a person, man or woman, use this healing journey to create something deeper, a deeper relationship? Is this possible, or is the best we can hope for that things will be just like they were after we heal?

38:23
Claudia Omland:
It’s like kind of if you have a crumble at the tablecloth and you do like that, right. It’s just everything, okay. So it is actually a great opportunity for creating more intimacy. So if you are injured, as we talked about, we are in a very helpless situation. It confronts us with things inside we don’t want to see - with fears, with all kinds of negative emotions. The interesting thing is that – or as I said initially – that you can only have as much intimacy with your partner as you have with yourself. So if I’m the injured person and I allow all those feelings that come up to come up, like feeling helpless, being afraid of maybe not being healed again, feeling tied to something – tied to a chair, tied to the bed, unable to move. Like you’re now forced to stand still. In this space, if I look at what comes up and learn the meaning of it, and accept it and embrace that part of myself and open up to my partner with that part, I allow my partner to come closer to my heart. Because I come closer to myself, I allow my man, my woman, husband, wife, whatever, to also move closer. What usually happens is the complete opposite. So what we do – and this is every human – is then we shut down, as you said. We close off because we don’t want to feel those things. Instead of opening up, we blame our outside – our partners, other people, life, for how we feel. But what really happens is that they are just a trigger for what is inside of us. By closing off, we’re pushing our partners away. I believe that this is most often why injury is such a burden for a relationship, it’s because in that space we don’t open up. We create more distance because we don’t want to feel what’s inside of us. So the way is, is to feel what’s inside of you, take responsibility and process this for yourself and open up with messages like I feel scared. Like don’t say something about your partner, don’t blame your partner. Say something about yourself and share it with your partner. That will create a lot of closeness between two people.

40:42
Dr. Maya Novak:
Beautiful. You know, there is something else that I would love to explore with you and ask you. I know many women and men – injured women and men – who have a really loving relationship and they have supportive partners or friends, but there are also those who are really, really struggling when they are injured with their partners. So maybe I’m completely wrong here, but I see many times that sometimes the reason for the injury might be to finally decide which way you’re going to go. So figuring out if this thing is also about the relationship, should we stay here and work on this, or is this also something that maybe is not completely okay for me at this moment? So what I would love to explore here is when do we then decide that something is not for us, that the other person cannot give us that, even though if we’ve done all those steps that you mentioned before. When is it time to consider that perhaps the injury was a sign for myself to move forward?

41:59
Claudia Omland:
Now we are opening up a topic. I think that’s multi-layered, so this is not just one straightforward answer.

42:08
Dr. Maya Novak:
Probably. It’s such a big thing that we could do a completely separate interview about that.

42:14
Claudia Omland:
A whole session on that, yes. So you said – I’m just recapping so it’s a little bit structured – so you said that oftentimes injury might be pointing at whether or not to leave the relationship?

42:28
Dr. Maya Novak:
It might be.

42:30
Claudia Omland:
It might be, yeah. So just to have that out of the way. If you are in an abusive relationship, get the hell out of that. If that’s not happening, I always believe that a relationship is struggling because we are not allowing for a deep level of intimacy, most of the times. So I think that injury is not pointing whether or not we should part, but it’s showing us hey, get closer to yourself and see if that creates also more intimacy in the partnership.

43:04
Dr. Maya Novak:
I love this. That’s a really, really good point, and I’m going to go back to your previous answer, which is exactly that. How can we actually create more intimacy and a deeper relationship through this stressful situation that we are in?

43:21
Claudia Omland:
Yeah. And I mean there might be situations when you have to part ways, but that’s highly individual. So I would do a bad job in saying like after three months of trying, get out of there. You will know – if you do the process. It’s very easy to mess the communication thing up, and intimacy thing, it’s very, very hard to not blame and not judge. So if you are wanting to go in that way, please receive help from me or another coach doing that, because it’s a pity if you try it and it goes wrong just because you didn’t have proper instruction on that. And then if you do that, there will come a point when you know it’s time to leave. I believe that, especially when people are married, you marry someone for a reason. You don’t marry someone just like lightheartedly, just ah, let’s do that. So if that’s the case, 95% of the cases, there is a chance for reigniting and reconnecting there. We are only taught that either you stay or you go, and I’m working with kind of a third way. That is what we talked about and I call that close from a distance, which is a way of staying in that relationship, moving closer to yourself and work things out from there without having to leave. Because if you leave, you will take the same issues to the next person with you.

44:46
Dr. Maya Novak:
True. Thank you for explaining this because it is, it’s not just black and white. Of course, the injury is a huge emotional turmoil because it’s not just waiting for two weeks and then everything is going to be perfect again. It’s not that way. But everything that you explained in this 40 minutes or so right now, it makes so much sense. So what is your number one advice that you would give someone who is injured right now?

45:22
Claudia Omland:
Surrender and look for the deeper meaning. It’s my absolute belief that everything that happens to us in life provides a lesson and kind of the tougher it is, the harder it is, the harder it hits you, the bigger the potential is for personal growth. So surrender. Accept it, embrace it, as hard as it may feel and trust that there is a lesson in there and that you go out much bigger than you have been before.

45:51
Dr. Maya Novak:
Do you have advice on that? Because now we are again in theory and then practice, you know. It’s very easy to say, but then it can be harder to do. So how can we surrender? Or surrender gracefully?

46:04
Claudia Omland:
So my number one tool, as you might know by now, is working with the body and working with touch because the mind is trying – the mind is filtering so much and the body is just a feeling, sensual part of us. So I would always go by exercising the body, and what many, many people don’t do, they don’t touch themselves. So my number one tool is a 30-minute self-pleasure date at least once a week – and we are not talking masturbation here. So that’s a very important distinction. What I’m talking about is that giving love to yourself with your hands, whatever you like. Explore. What gives you pleasure? How can you pleasure yourself? What arouses you? What do you like? Breathe, and in that space, most of the times when people do that – and as I say, it happened for me when I started this – I was just there and had no idea what to do with myself for 30 minutes, you know. I’ve never been alone pleasuring myself, like for 30 minutes, really giving myself something sensually. So you are completely clueless and it feels very awkward. And then all kinds of feelings come up, so we’re back to the feeling thing, right. Practice. Over time, you will explore spots you’ve never known before that you like. You will find ways of arousal that might be really weird, you know, like in our head – and our head has a lot of judgments about everything. Just try to be okay to please yourself with the way you like it and just don’t question it. That’s a really, really good way to do that, 30 minutes once a week. If you can do more, perfect. Then adapt it to what your injuries allow. So like you might not be able to touch every part of yourself, but touch as many inches as you can of your body. Even behind the ears, so like every part in different ways.

48:09
Dr. Maya Novak:
What about – and this is a very specific situation – but what about if someone is injured in a way that they cannot use their hands? Is it similar if we just visualize and doing this, or not?

48:27
Claudia Omland:
No. If possible, I would get either your partner to do it, yeah. 15 minutes are enough with a partner. It’s more intense if you have your partner do it because you have that receiving from someone issue on top of that. It’s just about 15 minutes of being touched, being caressed with the hands. It doesn’t have to get sexual there if you don’t like it. Or getting a massage, if that’s possible financially. Get a massage, have someone come to your house. Like I’m living in one of the most expensive countries in the world, most probably. I’m living in Germany. So there are options that are affordable once a week. Like we are talking maybe 20 Euros for a Thai massage or 30 Euros. If that’s possible, do that. Do that and do it as often as you can. Another interesting thing to do is water. I don’t know if that’s possible with someone who may be laying down, but if you are washed, or shower use water because water is kind of a very sensual element and feel that water on your body. That’s just kind of a possibility too.

49:36
Dr. Maya Novak:
I love this. So I know that women and men are being very inspired by your words. However, I also know that there are those who are losing hope about their recovery. So a question here for you is what would you advise to someone who is losing hope about their healing?

49:57
Claudia Omland:
Yeah, I prepared a Rumi quote for that, and that is “Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure”. If we keep the spiritual view on injury we’ve had so far, which is that there is a deeper meaning, trust that it’s happening for a reason and it’s a happening for a good reason, not for a bad reason.

50:19
Dr. Maya Novak:
I love this. I could talk with you for hours, and we could explore so much more. But if we slowly wrap things up, I do have one extra question that one is a bit more fun, a bit of an out of the box question. If you were on a desert island with an injury and you could bring only one thing with you that could help you heal amazingly, what would you bring?

50:47
Claudia Omland:
What would the sex coach bring? Of course. I would bring my jade egg. I know that people don’t get my pronunciation on that. So that’s a little stone, gemstone egg. It’s a very ancient technique. It comes from Taoist tradition two thousand years ago, and it works my pelvic floor like physically, and psychologically and on a spiritual level. So I can really boost my sexual energy and harness the power of my pussy, so to say. I would definitely take that little friend. I should have brought it to show, but I forgot about that.

51:27
Dr. Maya Novak:
So here, since you mentioned the egg, is it important that – because you can buy in the sex stores – you can buy things that you can use for playing with different material. Is it important that we don’t use – not plastic, but you know, silicone, and these type of things? And using more like gemstones? Is there a difference?

51:59
Claudia Omland:
Mm. I generally, for myself – so the inside of the vagina is a mucosa, right. Is that the correct English expression? So it absorbs everything very, very fast and I don’t want any toxins there, right. So the thing is, you can have natural materials like glass that are highly loaded with toxins. So you have to make sure anyways that you source from a safe place. But I believe that even medical silicone is nothing I should put into my vagina, that’s my personal point of view. So I would always advise get something made of glass, wood, or the eggs sourced from a toxin-free place. So if the stuff comes from China, not a good idea. I wouldn’t save money on those things. Usually, you buy those once in your life. So it’s better to spend a little more money and don’t kind of burden your body with things you don’t really want to have inside of you.

53:03
Dr. Maya Novak:
That makes sense. Claudia, where can people find more about you?

53:08
Claudia Omland:
Yeah, so I have a website. It’s called claudiaomland.com, or on Facebook, I’m Love Coach Claudia, and I’m transitioning at the moment. I’m coming out more with the sex stuff and less with the relationship stuff. So just shoot me a message if you’re interested in anything we talked about and I might be able to get you a freebie across.

53:32
Dr. Maya Novak:
Claudia, thank you so much for being here and for sharing your expertise and knowledge.

53:37
Claudia Omland:
Thank you so much for having me.

53:40
Dr. Maya Novak:
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode with Claudia Omland. If you haven’t done it yet, subscribe to the podcast on whatever platform you’re using to tune in. Of course, also remember to share this episode with your loved ones and help them out. To access show notes, links, and transcript, of today’s talk go to mayanovak.com/podcast. To learn more about The Mindful Injury Recovery Method visit my website mayanovak.com and find my book Heal Beyond Expectations on Amazon. Until next time – keep evolving, blooming, and healing.

Love and gratitude xx
Dr. Maya

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